alexia is an eleven year-old girly girl with tremendous potential - creative, sensitive, driven, focussed and loving. 
.
each has many, many gifts beyond those i have described. i was present for the tremendous fortune of each of their births. i love them all equally for what and who they are and who they are becoming. each of them has filled me with joy, sadness, frustration, and most assuredly and in greater abundance than all other features combined - love. on this day - the day on which they nominally celebrate my fatherhood, i say thankyou to each of them for all that they bring into my life. the gift that they represent from the universe to my becoming self is something that i celebrate each morning when i awake. i give thanks for their existence each night before i sleep.
then there’s my own father - garry. in the course of my life he has travelled the polar extremes of fatherhood. his journey through being a father, mirrored in my own journey of becoming myself.
knowing what i know now, even though there were times when it didn't feel like what i wanted, he has been what i have needed at each stage of my life. that this has been more through the grace of the universe than design is neither here nor there. as i read recently “there is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. “ this, in my own experiencing of this world is absolutely true and i know that it took a lot longer than most for me to recognize that i was not only steering the wheel but perfectly capable of doing it well! i love my father for what he is. he has brought out of me, many of the features of myself that have brought goodness to others.
my children wished me a happy father's day this morning and i told each of them in truth that each day of my life is a happy father's day. when i shared that with my daughter she smiled in understanding and said "i know".
4 comments:
A very heartfelt post, Steven. Thank you.
thanks goldenrod. days like mother's day and father's day are so filled with expectation - the shops are encouraging people to buy gifts - some that are incredibly extravagant - and i thought i'd write about that. but the more salient features of the day are where i thought i'd place my energy rather than drawing attention to the misplaced association with material goods. father's day represents an opportunity to really recognize and celebrate the simple magic of the relationship shared by fathers and their children. which - as i experience it- takes place each day! steven
I just realized (belatedly) that I had forgotten to wish YOU a Happy Father's Day.
I've been searching my heart all day for what I really wanted to write about. Still haven't come to a decision.
There are a ton of sites out there where people just post pix and cite various current events, etc. VERY few focus on what's really important (to my mind).
Sometimes, I think, they'd rather not look deeper. Certainly, they would not want to put those thoughts in writing!
I would agree that it's not easy to look deeply inside oneself, not to mention the even more difficult decision of whether or not to share one's innermost thoughts with others. (Perhaps even more so for a man? I don't know about that one, being of the opposite sex.)
I just want to add, Steven, that I am glad to 'know you', albeit it through cyberspace.
hey thanks for the nice comments goldenrod. sometimes the internet reminds me of life in a big city. you don't know the people you live right next door to. then sometimes it reminds me of a small town - where everybody knows each other - warts 'n all!
drawing on my own experiences i know that there are pro's and con's to both.
similarly, there are so many aspects to blog writing - as you know - that you can create as rich or as specific a connection to who you actually are as you wish or are comfortable with. i am fascinated by so much and then too, i am gradually sorting out so much. as i move on through this life i try to share as much of both as is reasonable - and that i can translate into something that makes sense to others.
i'm glad that some of this makes sense to you. you're a very fine writer yourself so it's very flattering to read your kind observations.
steven
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