Wednesday, April 13, 2011

her music





her music

her music:
softly bowed
hovering fragments -
filaments
troubling the still surface of
the wine of silence


this piece uses a form suggested by anne welch who is moderating "one stop poetry" this week.
it is called a "shadorma".

i love the name instinctively.

the architecture of the piece is intriguing: the shadorma is made up of a stanza of six lines with no set rhyme scheme. it is organized around a syllabic formula of 3/5/3/3/7/5.
it can have many stanzas, as long as each follows the meter.
this is my first shadorma.


visual prompt generously provided by tess at magpie tales.
for more variations on the shadorma please visit "one stop poetry" .

34 comments:

R. Burnett Baker said...

Shadorma sounds more like an Arabic pita wrap with hot white sauce!

But I really like this poem. I read it several times out loud and heard different meanings with each read. "...the still surface of
the wine of silence." is a very thought provoking notion.

Rick

OceanoAzul.Sonhos said...

Interesting steven, didn't know about it.
Your first shadorma is subtle and melodious, like power of silence.
Have a good day.
oa.s

Friko said...

Whatever a 'shadorma' is and whoever invented it, your poem is a sweet example of it.

steven said...

rick - that looks good. "rick's shadorma palace". i'd be dropping in next time i ride through rochester!! thanks for giving my writing a read or three. steven

steven said...

oa.s, thanks for your kind comment. i don;t usually stray from my own style of writing. i'm not a fan of rules for creating but this one had a quality about it that appealed to me. steven

steven said...

friko thankyou very much!!! steven

Tess Kincaid said...

Exquisite. Intriguing poetic form, as well. Always a pleasure to have you at Magpie, Steven. x

Reya Mellicker said...

Poetry form is so complicated. How do you do it? I am (as I often am) in awe.

Jinksy said...

How well the form worked for you in this Magpie!

Ruth said...

It does sound like a Lebanese dish, I was thinking the same as R. Burnett Baker. Yours is replete with ripples of a story. I feel the weight of what is, as if puffs of air are breathed out of a woman's story. And what a great way to "describe" music: hovering fragments.

Maureen said...

I also was introduced to the Shadorma through One Stop. I've been enjoying trying my hand at the form. I'll be featuring on Tuesday a series of new pieces I wrote.

The form forces an economy requiring carefully chosen words to carry the image or images. It seems to allow for a surprising amount of feeling.

Your own first effort is lovely.

Helen said...

Ah, the Spanish do have a way with poetry .. this is a lovely style ~ as is your poem.

Margaret Pangert said...

Hi Steven~ I can feel the vibrations from the bowed filaments while the wine remains silent. A deep moment of solitude. The shasdorma is melodic and fits her music. Beautiful.

aguja said...

Well done for straying, Steven! I think that I must try this, being as I live in Spain. I went onto 'one stop poetry' as you suggested. I guess that you normally follow your own flow, as most poets probably do.
The poem is indeed lovely ... and the wine, enchantingly visualised in your words.

Donna B said...

I like this! I will have to try one...evoking piece...well done.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Shadorma sounds like a really nice girl's name Steven.

steven said...

tess, it's good for me to mess around inside other forms. thanks for the prompt and the support. steven

steven said...

reya i'm still trying to figure out the whole thing of being "a writer". I'm not convinced i am but then brian eno used to say he wasn't a musician . . . . hmmmm. steven

steven said...

well jinksy thankyou very much. steven

steven said...

ruth i sometimes feel the presence of women as music. it's the same hovering presence. just there and rich with colour, physicality. do you know what i mean? steven

steven said...

hello and welcome maureen, i'll be wandering by the page over at one stop to read as many pieces as i can including your work. i want to learn about how writers write. thanks for your kind comment. steven

Jo said...

Steven, you had me at "music softly bowed"...everything else was icing on the cake.

The word "shadorma" rolls beautifully off the tongue. It's now officially going on my list of favorite words. Thank you!

steven said...

helen i think we're thinking of the same spanish poets who leave me in awe when i read their work. thanks for your kind comment. steven

steven said...

margaret my thinking is that sometimes women are present as music and leave ripples in the wine of silence simply by virtue of their presence. it's this disturbance that creates change. steven

steven said...

aguja - i want to know what and who and how i am as a writer. perhaps even to know why. if none of those are revealed or become apparent then i've had a good journey no matter what. steven

steven said...

donna b. play with words and your thoughts and understandings and especially with your beliefs. let them tumble and tear asunder and then reassemble them as you see fit. steven

steven said...

weaver - it would work nicely as a girl's name. google translate says it translates out as itself which is nice because it could just as easily mean "monkey breath " or something!! steven

steven said...

jo that's like double treats - nice words from the creative universe and a special word for your list. i so get that!!! steven

Terresa said...

Shadorma, love that form (although I have yet to try it myself!).

And this phrase from your poem, "the wine of silence." Ironic and perfect.

Isabel Doyle said...

a fine taste in your poem

Trellissimo said...

Very interesting form that I have not come across before.

Steve Isaak said...

Excellent, to the point.

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

A very beautiful first foray into this intriguing poem form, Steven. The piece is evocative as the hum of a cello and the fragrance of wine, all of which I find in these lines.

Promising Poets Parking Lot said...

cute talent,


beautiful write…

Invite you to join poets rally week 42 by sharing a free verse today.

You will love the encouragements you get once you are in and make commitment.

Your poetry rocks!

awards for you!


Hope to see you in!
Have A Blessed Easter!
xxx