knowing ourselves

i took this image of part of my wonderful christmas light display last winter. i set the camera to a slow speed and moved the camera in a figure eight as i depressed the button. i like to think that the orange red blur is a fish swimming above a sea of blue led lights.
which brings me to this day.

each day i cycle through a set of web pages, one of which is musician robert fripp's diary. his latest entry serendipitously points to the very challenge i expressed in the previous entry.

that i am scattered between my commitment to my work, my family, and the many and various little bits of steven is never more apparent than between september and july when my work fills me and then also takes from me. the myriad details of the school year require an extraordinary management system - both external and internal - to avoid being swamped, crushed, torn into little pieces, or ..... cracking.

the loss of self, or more properly, the loss of attention to self is the first and most obvious casualty. the idealism of summer quickly settles into the more functional features of managing the needs of the family - practical and emotional and spiritual - and the needs of the class, the school, and the system. at times, when i am able to step back to view the whole, it has many of the characteristics of an upset wasp's nest.

what hope then is there of being truly yourself, of being truly accountable to yourself and your high standards in the face of all of this?

read on for a perspective. one that requires considerable work. almost certainly a teacher ( and not one in the public domain!) and most especially discipline.

Robert Fripp's Diary

October 03, 2007

07.13

DGM HQ.

We begin where we are.

So, where are we?

Better, before we move from A to B, to know that we are at A.

How do we know where we are?

By getting to know ourselves.

How do we get to know ourselves?

We put part of our attention on the outside, and part of our attention on the inside.

We divide our attention between what we are doing, and our internal responses to what we are doing.

We watch what we are doing, while simultaneously watching our responses:

sensing our physical relaxation;

our thinking;

our feeling.

So, how well we get to know ourselves is determined by our capacity to divide the attention.

That is, how well we get to know ourselves is determined by the quality of our attention.

We know ourselves to the degree that our attention is available to know ourselves.

The extent of our attention in time is called our Present Moment.

The spacial extent of our attention is reflected in how far, geographically, our interests & influence extend.

This is sometimes referred to as our level of Being.

So, how much attention do we have?

The quick answer, from someone who has been looking at this for a long time, is not very much.