lost in dream - leaving the station

on this the first day of this year

well into my fifty fourth circuit of the sun

i'm not so much wistful as wondering

-

i'm recognizing

intimately

the very real demands

and expectations

that perception

and self-perception

places on those

who

like myself

choose to ignore

the vagaries of

numbers

and chronology

and move on regardless

of the exterior crumblings and decay

marked most obviously

by thinning, greying hair

an unwillingness to participate in experiences

that might hasten my departure from this place of existence

and most especially

my increasing inclination

to seek out and favour

the timeless fractal moment

as a signpost

pointing to the one great moment

in which i appear simply

as a quantum accretion

expressed as "steven"

in short

as i arrive

two thirds of the way

along my journey

i am beginning to see

the responsibility

of my responsibilities

the reality of my realities

the possibility of my possibilities

imagine

after all that time

and of course

stepping back

i am left in wonder

at my emerging place

in this incredible world

-

i am also in wonder of

and so deeply grateful for

the emotive and spiritual window

that flew by recently

provided by amy lowell

for with some small tweaking and manipulation

of her poem

"petals"

i opened the door to a deeper layer of this world for myself

and here also

for you

the end lost in dream,

we scatter the leaves of our opening rose

ever beyond into infinite ways

amy, i am in awe!

~

to close then

this is a piece of music that surfaced in my own experiencing

twenty years ago today

i was in an apartment

with leaded windows

running with little droplets of water.

on the table

white wine and a stick of bread

olives, cheeses

pastries from a polish bakery.

books piled everywhere.

the music came out of little speakers

and even now

as then

it makes me think of a great train

wheels spinning and then catching

as it leaves the station

music by

not drowning waving

my love

steven