Saturday, January 1, 2011

lost in dream - leaving the station

on this the first day of this year
well into my fifty fourth circuit of the sun
i'm not so much wistful as wondering


i'm recognizing
the very real demands
and expectations
that perception
and self-perception
places on those
like myself
choose to ignore
the vagaries of
and chronology
and move on regardless
of the exterior crumblings and decay
marked most obviously
by thinning, greying hair
an unwillingness to participate in experiences
that might hasten my departure from this place of existence
and most especially
my increasing inclination
to seek out and favour
the timeless fractal moment
as a signpost
pointing to the one great moment
in which i appear simply
as a quantum accretion
expressed as "steven"

in short
as i arrive
two thirds of the way
along my journey
i am beginning to see
the responsibility
of my responsibilities
the reality of my realities
the possibility of my possibilities

after all that time

and of course
stepping back
i am left in wonder
at my emerging place
in this incredible world


i am also in wonder of
and so deeply grateful for
the emotive and spiritual window
that flew by recently
provided by amy lowell

for with some small tweaking and manipulation
of her poem
i opened the door to a deeper layer of this world for myself
and here also
for you

the end lost in dream,
we scatter the leaves of our opening rose
ever beyond into infinite ways

amy, i am in awe!


to close then
this is a piece of music that surfaced in my own experiencing
twenty years ago today
i was in an apartment
with leaded windows
running with little droplets of water.
on the table
white wine and a stick of bread
olives, cheeses
pastries from a polish bakery.
books piled everywhere.
the music came out of little speakers
and even now
as then
it makes me think of a great train
wheels spinning and then catching
as it leaves the station

music by

my love


Elisabeth said...

Good grief, this one is close to home for me, Steven on two coints.

The first thing that struck me reading about the short abbreviated version of Amy Lowell's life on Wikipedia, is that she- a creature of her generation - was not allowed an education and the second that yo u then shoot over to Australia and New Guinea with Not Waving,Drowning, another reference to poetry, but this band played so close to home. I live within ten kilometers of the suburb, Richmond, to which we you refer.

It is such a small world. Thanks Steven and once again, best wishes for a bright new year.

hope said...

Like you, I think Life should consist of many "All aboard!" moments, to destinations we both strive for and those surprising stops along the way.

Ah, age. In 2 weeks I'll have another birthday and unlike most "adults", I see it as another victory. Another stop along the way. With cake. :)

I will always think of age as, "Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Thanks for starting the new year in such an uplifting way!

Reya Mellicker said...

Wow. What a piece today, Steven.

Best of all things in 2011. Onwards and upwards. Yes, the train, always leaving the station, every moment of every day. Oh yeah.

And aging ... yeah. love to you

Pauline said...

Ending and emerging at the same time, always the same, always changing... such a beautiful thing, life. Yes? Thank you for letting us see it through your eyes. Happy New Year, Steven.

steven said...

elisabeth - there's much beauty in amy's work not the least of which is that she turned a set of seeming disadvantages into an extraordinary perception of her world. not drowning waving are a piece of the vast catalogue of listening that have passed my ears in my life. music reappears when it has a purpose and i'm intrigued that this piece crossed my ears after all this time. coincidences, small world, oh yes and more. steven

steven said...

hope that's such a wonderful expression of the passage of time "with cake". yes!! with cake. thanks for your thoughtful comment. steven

steven said...

reya thankyou for your kind comment and wishes. this piece flew by in three stages. i don't often go back to a blog entry but there were three pieces of information that needed to be together so here they are side-by-side-by-side. let the year unfold and gather strength for yourself. it's gonna be noisy - good noise! like music. steven

steven said...

pauline it's the mutability of life - its dynamism that brings colour and music into it. i love to share this space with you and thankyou for your kind comment. steven

ellen abbott said...

oh, yes to all that!

steven said...

ellen yes!! steven

Valerianna said...

Beautiful, Steven... and the music is awesome. I also love your new header shot.... amazing. And a your images from the last post - blurred windows in the rain, I love the mystery. Happy New Year!

Dulce said...

Beautiful and deep, deep words here, Steven... So you are arriving two thrids of the way along your journey... I guess- so am I, but what a third is to you am not quite sure ... to me that is 25 years. Which gives me only a third plus five to go (LOL)

I loved every single word written here. And that music is heavinly sounding still in my mind.

Thanks so much for visiting again.


Jinksy said...

The New Year Train is leaving the station for destination unknown... Safe journey, and enjoy the trip!

Helen said...

Happy New Year .. from Bend Oregon

Meri said...

Yes...... chuffing and rolling and moving along toward a destination. And we're all moving toward a destination, unfolding, opening. Just (hopefully) being. And soaking it all in.

alaine@éclectique said...

Thanks for the intro to Amy Lowell. I see that her book, Fir-Flower Tablets is still available...loved 'Petals'. Happy sailing through in 2011!

steven said...

alaine! thankyou. i hope you enjoy reading amy's writing - she truly left a powerful legacy of insight in her writing. steven

steven said...

yes meri . . . the train of life. i love the scenery as much as the stations along the way. steven

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Such special petals you (and Amy and Not Drowning Waving) have strewn in this stream today, my friend. I can barely muster more than an appreciative contented silence and a heartfelt wish for a wonderful new year to you, your family and all your friends and readers.

Shaista said...

Happy New Year Steven!
It's strange to think of Not Drowning Waving as music... I have always known it as the Stevie Smith poem my father loves - 'Nobody heard him, the dead man, but still he lay moaning. I was much further out than you thought, And not waving but drowning'.
Have you heard her recite it?
Here's to waving and not drowning in the new year :)

steven said...

helen - all the way from bend, oregon - thankyou and my wishes for a happy and fulfilling year to you. steven

steven said...

valerianna - i love mystery because it has layers and layers need unpacking and searching for signs and symbols. i'm all over that! a happy rich mystery wrapped year for you. steven

steven said...

jinksy - all aboard say i!!! let's see the country of this year. steven

steven said...

dulce - yes two thirds - one third = 25 years - i'm wishing for 75 years because i feel i can complete the work i have to do in that time. but if i'm given more or less then so be it!!! i plan to enjoy the process of bringing goodness into this world for as long as i can. lovely to see you. steven

steven said...

oh lorenzo i'm so very fortunate to have met you. steven

steven said...

shaista i became familar with stevie's writing after i heard the music. but i've read this poem a few times. here it is:
nobody heard him, the dead man,
but still he lay moaning:
i was much further out than you thought
and not waving but drowning.

poor chap, he always loved larking
and now he's dead
it must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
they said.

oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(still the dead one lay moaning)
i was much too far out all my life
and not waving but drowning.

stevie smith

i'm going to wander over to youtube to see if i can find a recitation! happy new year shaista! steven

Friko said...

steven, dear man, I marvel at your peace and the tranquility which shines forth in your words.

May the new year take you further on your chosen path and help you to overcome obstacles in your inimitable way.

Much love, Friko

steven said...

friko - i'm still travelling but this particular waystation has such goodness about it i feel very very fortunate. no one would describe my life as perfect but it is good. so thankyou for your kind wishes friko. i feel fortunate to know you. steven

NanU said...

You are blessed already, steven, may you stay that way!