the tiniest of nothing and everything

before beginning my morning, i considered the purpose and value of writing and maintaining a blog. there isn’t a lot of time involved, and the writing - for the first time in all the times i’ve thought i’d write a blog - has been effortless, truly without effort and so i traced that back to the simple consideration that i don’t mind who reads whatever i write. it will reach the right person eventually. and yet. and yet without that affirmation it feels like so much self aggrandizement.
self-aggrandizing~adjective
1 boastful, braggart, bragging, braggy, big, cock-a-hoop, crowing, self-aggrandizing, self-aggrandising: exhibiting self-importance; "big talk"
2 self-aggrandizing, self-aggrandising of or relating to or characteristic of self-aggrandizement
“cock-a-hoop” - now how good is that!!!! mannn you’re all cock’a-hoop about yourself. lighten up bro!!! i hope i can find a time and a place to try that one out!!
and with that in mind, i looked over my whole blog and wondered “who cares about a thing i’m saying here?” and then came back to the initial consideration in this whole venture of sharing the process of myself publicly. to share my inner self with all its "synchronicities and discombobulations colliding and colluding into the roiling cloud of wheels within wheels, pipes and wires, sparks flying every which way universe unto itself that i know as "my self" and so, i’m going to continue writing and posting pictures and letting whatever will be to be.



this is a picture of a flower that grew in my garden this summer. it’s about the size of a thumbnail - honestly. it’s so beautiful. it’s like a crown. a fairy princess crown. it also makes me think of those dances in the old t.v. variety shows, where the camera shoots down into a circle of women sitting or lying on their backs moving their arms and legs and heads so that they make human mandalas. i remember as a boy thinking how beautiful and clever that was.

flowers amaze me. nothing of what they do or are is an accident. it all has a purpose - selfish maybe - but it is all pointing to one single goal - or so scientists / botanists would have us believe. reproduction. i see more than that. i see beauty and i also see a singular act of love in freely sharing that beauty. beauty that comes at great expense to the plant as it devotes so much energy to the creation of the necessary chemicals that cause the colours, the scents, the textures, and the shapes to take form. i remember as a child, my grandad grew tea roses and he would encourage me to sniff each one and look closely inside the petals to see the shades and forms of the petals. the overwhelming richness of the many different scents still captures me now such that when i walk by any flowering tree or bush or plant i have to stop and hold it in my palm and feel the softness of its petals and then gently inhale its fragrance with my eyes closed. lost in the tiniest of nothing and everything.