sometime. around five.
i felt deep sadness.
i wanted more aloneness than could possibly be mine.
and i didn't know why.
and then
i could have done a million things.
one-at-a-time.
and finished none of them.
do you know what i mean?
~
it left when the sun disappeared behind the trees.
and i swear when the light turned from yellow white to gold,
i heard in my head - "go to the plants". 
so i did.
and as i stood next to them, touching their leaves - especially this very beautiful curve, this gentle soft arc
my body shivered energy right down from the very top of my head,
down my neck,
along my spine,
scattered down both legs and washed like a wave through my calves and off the bottom of my feet.
so i said "thankyou", because what do you say?
and it's times like these that i wonder even more than i usually do.
12 comments:
Steven:
How beautifully expressed. I have the impression you live your life in a state of wonder, wonderment, and that you are always wonder-full . . .
I have often noticed what you say, as well - that certain times of the day are filled with a yearning, or sometimes a sweet sadness or even a feeling I find hard to name - but I know it matters. Psychologists know that there is the phenomonen of "anniversary memories", e.g. where the season a loved one died can always be a difficult period for us. But this time of day effect is interesting.
Perhaps it is due to our bio-rhythms, hormones . . . or what I think is, it is the quality of light that calls forth the feeling from within.
I have found as I get older that I do not like and avoid any artificial light for as much of the day as I can - because it contaminates the quality of natural light - which is the place I live and breathe and feel.
Loved these reflections and where they took me. Thank you.
hello bonnie - people who know me have said that i have a lot of child in me - childlike as opposed to childish!!! there are times of day that are more agic than oters for me, as there are times of day that have an almost sad quality about them. i have a similar reaction to artificial light and my classroom - which is blessed with enormous picture windows down the entire lngth of one side of the room, is more than often than not lit by the sun. te kids actually ask for it as opposed to the overhead lights!!!! thanks for your very kind and thoughtful comments bonnie. i really value your visits here. steven
I find much solace in my plants. When I feel like I need peace and balance I head straight for my patio to water and talk to my plants. It puts everything where it should be and then all is well in the world.
hi willow, i love that you understand these things. it's not always easy to think and know and do things that are good and right but which aren't part of the common currency of people's experience!! i'm so glad that you visit and that you share all that you do over at the manor!!! have a lovely (what's left of this) evening.... steven
You know, your posts and what you write are so open, free, and full of surprise and wonder...and you know what? It's OK to be an adult and STILL have a childlike heart/faith. Don't let it go!! :)
I know what you mean - I take myself outside too; fresh air, the scent of nature, rejuvenates.
Steven
so many things are beyond words aren't they...in fact words often diminish them...
I think the green of plants calms and alters our mood...I know the green makes me feel tranquil...
Happy days
hello amelia, thanks for that. i've always valued that quality in myself but it is one of those features that lends itself to making others uncomfortable. it's not leaving any time soon!! have a peaceful day. steven
hello alaine, my parents would go for a walk under similar circumstances. i usually go for a bike ride. somehow the change in location or perspective allows for things to settle away from the surface. have a peaceful day. steven
hi delwyn, so many things are beyond words. yes. i love sitting in my big chair - well it's not 'mine' at all but i seem to frequent it more than anyone else - because it is surrounded by plants. the green calms: the way the light plays through and over the leaves, their shapes and textures draws me away from the silly little things over which i have no control anyway, so better to let them be!!! have a peaceful day by the river. steven
The magic, mystery, generosity, and soulforce of plants becomes more apparent to me each day. I think because we're mammals we tend to be drawn into the stories of other animals, mammals, especially.
But plants, to me, are much higher and more refined life forms. With sunlight, minerals, water, and COs, they concoct so many things, among them food and oxygen for the whole menagerie of animals.
It's taken a long time to understand their nobility, generosity, creativity, and well, magic.
hello dan, thanks for this. i'm intrigued by this thinking if only because i've never thought of there being heirarchies in nature. i see processes, ecologies, webs of connectivity. i think that plants have been undervalued and certainly in heirarchies that i ahve seen they are close to the bottom. that makes no sense to me. it's like ignoring the sun when you're talking about energy and life itself!
there is an astonishing degree of magic i connect to plants. i've had many experiences to support that - including the one i described just yesterday. thanks so much for your insightful and thoughtful comments dan. i really value your visits here. steven
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